just another whine-fest
8:42 p.m. x 2004-12-14
I feel so awful. Work has got me really down lately. Today just put the icing on the cake.
I feel so horrible talking about a child. He is such a sweet, sweet boy when he isn't in one of his moods. I will call him "Z". I may have talked about him here before. I can't remember. I have another diary and that is pretty much where I do most of my whining so I can't remember what I write here.
Anyways, "Z" is possibly Autistic.. or something. His mother just so happens to forget to taking him to his specialty appointments. I do feel sorry for this little boy. There is just something going on with him and it just breaks my heart to see this child act the way he does.
He eats off the floor and from other children's plates. He will get food out of the trash can too.
Well, last week (or maybe it was the week before) he got mad because another child was playing with the wooden train set that he had played with about half an hour before. He threw pieces of the track and hit me in the head. I tried calming him down and talking to him calmly which made him even madder and he nailed me a good on in the head several times with the wooden train track pieces.
This child will spit in someones face just for the heck of it or will hit someone just for the heck of it. He just goes off.
Well, he refuses to wash his hands before meals and we have to take him to the bathroom and try to make a game out of it to get him to wash his hands. Today I tried telling him it was time to wash his hands before he could eat lunch. He wanted nothing to do with it. So I picked him up and took him to the bathroom. I put soap on his hands while he kicked my shins. As I was reaching to turn on the water he clamped down on the inside of my wrist with his teeth. I let loose of him and he landed on his butt on the floor and began swinging his legs and arms trying to hit me. I practically had to jump over him to get away from him and out of the bathroom.
I was trying to reach the classroom door before I burst out crying but didn't succeed. I burst into tears while in the classroom. Luckily the lead teacher walked in the door and I immediately walked into the hallway covering my face as the tears were rolling.
A lady from the office saw me and walked me to the nurses office to have her check out my wrist. I sat in the nurses office for about half an hour bawling. I normally have nerves of steel but lately this child has been really getting to me. He is so uncontrollable and it just breaks my heart that I cannot help this child in any way.
Once I calmed down I walked back into the classroom and things were a bit better. The incident was brushed off as if it didn't even happen.
That's the thing... nobody wants to open their eyes and see what is going on. This child is constantly hurting someone in the classroom. Usually it is me that is being attacked.
During the incident in the bathroom he head butted me in the ribs which felt as if I was stabbed by a red-hot knife. I have had an inflammation in my rib cage for a month or so and it's not healed as of yet.
I just can't take this. I love my job. Well, I did until this child came into the classroom. Things have just been SO hectic. And I feel SO bad even saying all this. I just need to get it off of my chest.
Part of me wants to quit this job and try finding another but there are not many jobs around here that pay as well as this one does and Michael will be getting laid off this Winter. He'll be getting unemployment benefits but they won't pay the bills. He won't get paid nearly as well as he does now.. over the Winter months. So I HAVE to work. I just don't know how much of this I can take without having a nervous break down.
When this child acts out the whole classroom acts out which makes for a very stressful loooong day.
I cried all the way home today. I need to clean house but don't feel like it. My kids have been nit-pickety with each other since I've been home. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind!!
When my job is affecting me at home.. that scares me. I'm literally shaking like a leaf as I type this.
*sigh*
I just don't know what to do!