work & other ramblings
5:28 a.m. x 2004-09-02
I am now working at the preschool I once worked at as a teacher's aid. I am now full time. In the past I was a substitute teacher's aid and my hours started dwindling down to 19 hours a week and sometimes only 9. I left for another job that I was offered as I was to get 40 hours a week, guaranteed. Once I quit the preschool job I called to see when I was needed at the daycare job and was told I was not needed. I was pretty upset about this but I was able to spend the Summer months with my three children. We did lots of fun things. It has been the best Summer ever.
Now that I am back to work I feel so much better about myself. I have a better outlook. I'm much more positive. What? I've only worked 2 full days. :) But it has really helped. The children at the preschool love me and I enjoy playing with them and teaching them new things. There are only a few of the children still there from when I worked there before. Most of them have went on to Kindergarten. The children that are still there were very excited to see me walk through the door. :)
I am up a bit earlier this morning. I got the kiddies to bed and then Michael and I both crashed last night. I slept so good and feel great this morning. Normally I don't even remember Michael getting up and leaving for work. I sometimes wonder if he even kissed me bye or told me bye and call his cellphone to ask. I have a thing about saying bye. I hate it! And I have to have at least a hug or kiss goodbye. My children are the same way. They better get lots of hugs and kisses before leaving for school. :)
Trevor has been so loveable lately. He's never been much of a loveable little fella but this Summer he has started to change. He will wake up in the middle of the night just to come give me a hug and then will go back to bed and go right back to sleep.
I've had someone on my mind a lot lately. My x boyfriend. He shot himself in January of '99 in front of me and my younger two children. A certain question comes to mind every now and then but I try not to let it bother me or bring me down. That question is 'WHY?' We weren't arguing. Everything was great between us. It doesn't depress me as much anymore. I've learned to put things in the back of my mind. Too bad after this terrible incident I don't remember a lot from the past. My doctor said that the mind has a way of blocking things out but I think my mind has blocked a little too much.
My mother will ask me, "Do you remember when.....?" I reply with, "No, sorry. I can't remember much before Jimmy." She'll look at me puzzled.
Michael was a sweetie last night. He saw how tired I was and gave me money for take out so I didn't have to cook. Since I didn't have to cook I decided I better get some cleaning done. My mother is going to be here to get the kiddies off of the bus so my house has to be spotless. I was embarrassed because yesterday she showed up to get my children off the bus and my kitchen floor desperately needed swept. Ugh! And yea that bugs the crap out of me but I didn't have much time to do anything about it. I'm still trying to get into the swing of things with working and taking care of the kiddies plus the house work. So right after I ate last night I got to cleaning. It wasn't bad, really. Just minor stuff. Dishes, sweeping & throwing some laundry in to wash & dry. My kiddies have been good about picking up after themselves.
Well, I suppose I should start getting ready for work. I have a lot to say but not enough time to say it!