my first review, teary eyed
11:36 p.m. x 2004-06-15
Wow! How many entries have I made today? I've spent way too much time in front of this computer. You wouldn't believe how much cleaning I've actually gotten done today all the while running back and forth to the computer. HeeHee!
I got my review back from Good Vs. Evil Reviews! It made me all teary eyed. I do love my children dearly and they are my life. I don't know what I would do without them.
I want them to look back when they are older and remember that I was always there for them no matter what and that I love them unconditional, unlike my mother. She handed me over to my grandmother for custody when I was just a baby. My biological father was in a band they were more into partying than taking care of me. My grandmother happened to show up at our house and I was standing in my crib screaming with a dirty diaper sagging to my knees. I guess I was filthy. She picked me up and walked out the door as my mother and my bio-father and several other people were laying around the house passed out from partying the night before. My mother didn't call around to find out where I was. She was unconcerned for nearly 24 hours. I'm sure she figured my grandmother had me and I was in safe hands. Which I was.
Later on in the years my mother divorced my bio-father and then remarried not long after to the only father I have actually ever known. My mother got custody back of me and was a wonderful mother from there on out. She was just hanging with the wrong people. Or maybe she just finally grew up and got out of the partying.
I think that is why I am so over-protective. When I was told this about my mother and bio-father I was devastated. I don't ever want my children to feel unloved or unwanted.
I've never been much of a partier. I can't actually remember the last time I drank any kind of alcoholic beverage. I've never taken drugs. I'm lucky to take Tylenol for pain. My friends always called me a "Bore". Oh well, at least I am home with my kids where I should be, taking care of them with a level head on my shoulders.
I just want to be the best mommy I can be. There are times I get so stressed out and need a break. That's normal yet I feel bad about it.
I hate the way their father treats them. Cory's father sees him maybe two or three times a year. Trevor and Carey's father acts as if it's such a bother for him to keep the them once in a while (yet he is having another baby in 4 months..have I mentioned that here?).
Luckily we've got Michael. The kids think he is so fun. They absolutely adore him, as do I. :) He's always thinking of fun things to do with them. You can tell they crave that male attention/bonding.
Wow! It's midnight and my boys are still awake. I've definitely got to get them to bed.