What did you used to believe?
5:59 a.m. x 2004-06-11
Remember when you were a kid, and you used to believe crazy things?
Below are some of the funniest excerpts taken from the website entitled I used to believe:
Note: These are not my beliefs!
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I used to believe that since humans peed a liquid, that fish must have peed air, and thats why there were bubbles in the water.
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I used to believe my dog could drive. When I was 4 or 5, I remember my mother saying she had to get my dogs license renewed. And since I only knew about drivers licenses at that time, I was really impressed that my dog was so talented!
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I used to have a paranoid fear, that perhaps my cat, whom I kissed and cuddled and petted all the time, was in fact a small midget cigar smoking gangster in a cat suit. I was scared I'd catch him 'unzipping' himself when he thought no one was watching.
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I once heard the word masturbation and went and asked my mother what it meant. She told me it meant playing with yourself - which I took a bit too literally. If I was playing in the garden or with my toys on my own I'd shout 'I'm masturbating!'
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When I was a kid, I saw two dogs doing 'it' and asked my mom what was happening. She said "the doggie in front is hurt and the doggie in the back is pushing it to safety!" I believed that for a long time.
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When I was around 9 years old I used to believe that if you were under 18 (which meant you couldn't smoke), the cigarette would know if you were underage, and it would explode. I thought this is what killed so many people. No one mentioned cancer to me.
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When I was 3 or so my parents, without getting into lengthy explanations of Vitamin A, told me carrots would help me see in the dark. That night, well after bedtime, I sneaked into the kitchen and stole a carrot from the fridge. My parents caught me in my dark bedroom trying to use the carrot as a flashlight.
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When I was young I used to think that "sugar-free" chewing gum meant there was a special offer, where you could get a free bag of sugar if you sent off the wrapper.
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I was about 10 years old and I used to believe that 'rape' was simply ripping peoples clothes. Imagine the shock for my teacher when for an exercise in English I wrote the sentence "The dog raped the postman". I thought I was being extremely clever.
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When I was small, my cousin told me that fat people exploded if they stayed up past midnight. I believed that for a long time, until my aunt & uncle hosted a new year's eve party. I was petrified around 11:45; I was sure we'd all be witness to my aunt's explosion....needless to say, my father boxed my ears when I tried to warn her to go to bed and WHY...
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I used to think that if you flushed the toilet, whatever was inside the toilet would empty into the shower, because my dad always said not to flush when he was taking a shower
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When I was younger my parents would tell me that if I peed in the pool it would rise to the top and spell out my name.
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My grandfather once told me that you could not pee and poop at the same time, and if you did, you would explode. So for the next 10 years I never let any poop out while I was peeing. Until one day I figured what the heck, and did both at once. It emptied me out in half the time. I was so happy.
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My mother told me that ice cream trucks were ambulances for little children.
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A friend's mom told us that ice cream trucks played their tune only when they were empty. It was like a siren, so people would stay out of their way while they went and collected more ice cream.
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I used to think that when a police officer was arresting a criminal and read them their rights, when they said "anything can and will be used against you".. I thought that if you said "crabs" or "alligators" or "spiders"... they could use them to torture you on the witness stand.
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I used to believe that speed bumps were actually there for the blind to drive, and they read it like braille. Thanks to my older brother and sister, of course.
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*giggle* Ok, real desperate entry before this one! :) I just realized I need a before/after at the bottom of my posts. Sheesh! What a dork I am!