my sleeping habits suck
2:35 a.m. x 2004-06-10
It's a little after 2:30am and I'm awake. Blah! That's what I get for going to bed before 10:00pm I suppose. It ticks me off that I can't sleep. I woke up to what sounded like someone talking in my house. A man's voice. It sort of echoed. It was on TV. It scared me. I sat straight up in bed. Sheesh! I feel like a fruit-cake.
I've got to stop staying up with Michael on weekends. It's really screwing me up.
I decided to make pancakes and put them in the freezer tonight so that if Carey has the urge to cook without waking me she can just put the pancakes in the microwave and heat them up. It scares me to think she might try to use the oven someday and burn herself or burn the house down. Normally she wakes me when she wakes up in the mornings. I'm not sure how frozen pancakes, heated up in the microwave, will taste but it's worth a try.
Carey tries so hard to act older than what she is. That's a scary thought. I don't want my little girl growing up too fast. She cried tonight about wanting to see her daddy. It broke my heart. I'm so tired of making up excuses for him. Telling her that Daddy had to work and couldn't pick her up when it's just a lie. He just doesn't want to take the time out of his partying life to visit with his children. It totally pisses me off! But I could never tell her that her daddy does not have time for her. I could not break her little heart more than her daddy has already. It's so aggravating. And trying to talk to him and explain to him her feelings would be like me sitting here talking to this freaking wall.
Michael is going to take us camping at a really nice camp site in a couple of weeks. He tries so hard to try and make the kids happy because of their dad's lack of interest. He's always trying to think up things to do to keep them busy so they don't think about their dad neglecting them. Michael is such a sweetie.
Well, now that I've drank a big glass of water (and will probably wake back up to pee soon) I am going to try to go back to sleep. I'm sure I'll just lay there staring at the ceiling until Michael calls me around 5:30 to let me know he is back to his motel room from work.
*sigh*
Maybe I should start taking some Tylenol PM or something... BLAH!